You can say that your adoptive parents were good people and that your growing up was generally a healthy, happy time.They can be as diverse as travel to knitting, photographry to your favorite television show, your collection of mid-century pottery to matchbooks from restaurants you've visited. Do include mention special interests and hobbies-she may indeed have the same ones, or know that your father did.Try to imagine what the woman who gave birth to you might want to know, or what you would tell a new acquaintance you wanted to like you. Say how long or short a time you have been searching. If there is a particular reason you are searching at this time-say an illness or health concern-include that. Include general information about yourself: education, occupation, marital or partner status, and whether you have children.We've heard of a mother once who got a note written with a peacock blue pen, and the woman immediately knew it was from her daughter-who else would use such a distinctive color? Your handwriting, the paper you choose, even the type of pen you use-all give a sense of your personality, and may remind her of herself. Just as a handwritten thank you note is preferred to a typed one, a letter written in your own handwriting is a more powerful, intimate document than one printed by a machine. Write it by hand, rather than on a computer. You also don't want to overwhelm her with this first communication. Keep it short-aim for two pages, no more.You will probably write the letter a few times before you are happy with the result. Be friendly and honest, and not overly emotional. The letter may open feelings she thought she had buried. You want to let your birth mother, or sibling, know that you are a thoughtful, sincere individual, and that you are interested in her well-being as much as your own. However, if you are going through an intermediary, you may have to write a letter or you may simply choose to write instead of phone. And your very existence may be something she has kept secret. If you have the name and address and phone number of your first mother, a call may be the safest and most discreet because you do not know who will see her mail before she does, and ask her who the letter is from.
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